Yes Man? Ya mon!

I saw the Jim Carey movie Yes Man last night before new years. I actually had wanted to see it, but didn't give myself much chance of seeing it in a cinema. This is one of the things that happens when you have kids: Cinema viewing tends to be of the animated or kid-friendly sort.
Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, the movie theaters at Leicester Square all cancelled their evening showings for New Years Eve. Except the one playing Yes Man and some horror flick. Since that was our only choice, Christopher's preference for animated films was ignored. He complained, but we ignored it.
Anyway, the movie got me thinking. It's premise, that just saying yes to things is a liberating thing, and helps get us out of a funk, and to really live life. Going out and doing things often seems like more trouble than staying home and watching television or reading a book. I have had periods in my life where I really wasn't interested in going out at all. Where I just wanted to veg out. Actually, 'want' is too strong a word: Where I didn't have the will to do much else would be more accurate.
Come on, get serious, who hasn't felt like that? I reckon it is a pretty sure sign of depression. And rebuffing people when they try to get you out of this, by saying no or making excuses, is also a sure sign. For me, I generally am fairly well tuned to my own moods, and am quite careful not to let myself go very far in that direction. The last worst time was in my first months in the UK, at exactly this time 3 years ago, when my family still hadn't joined me here, when I was poor because of all the expenses I had maintaining two houselholds and moving to a new country, and where there was just a lot to deal with. When I was a high-school student I reckon I was probably depressed most of the time. I was negative, and when someone reached out I put up barriers. I probably still do to some extent.
Anyway, the movie hit a chord with me. But it also made me think that I have changed.
I have a friend, Stuart, who is a bit of a sad case. Bad stuff just seems to happen to him, at least based on his telling of it. But a few years ago I told him I had a new and great job, and he said to me "you are so lucky, Nik. Good stuff just seems to happen to you." That really pissed me off a lot, for some reason, and also made me think.
Yes, I have been lucky, no doubt. But I look at the things that he thought made me lucky, and luck didn't really have much to do with it:

• I got married and had a family. Luck had nothing whatsoever to do with that. Having Christopher is the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and I feel really blessed, but asking Meiko out, dating her, marrying her, and impregnating her were all things that I did, not that the universe did for me. Sure, the initial chance meeting was maybe luck, but come on...
• I wrote a book, which led to a better job. I was interested in the topic, mobile content development, and had a website about it, and was asked by an editor at John Wiley & Son's (at the time they were called something else, but they were acquired by JW&S before my book was published) if I would be interested in writing a book on developing for i-mode. Sure, it was lucky she saw my website, but it was me that put the site up, me that said 'yes' to whether I would like to write the book, and me that wrote for 15 hours a day for three months to finish the book.
• I landed a job with Vodafone. After my previous company went bust, leaving me jobless, I spent several months without work. I looked in Tokyo, because I knew that is where I wanted to work, rather than in Utsunomiya, where the prospects were somewhat slim. I networked, spoke to various recruiters, pursued any and all leads, despite not having a lot of really deep experience of the sort that was recognised, having worked independently doing web sites, translation, and writing. I won't say it was my own perserverence which landed me the job, but it was my own perseverence which meant that once I got the offer I was still in a place to accept the offer, rather than having settled for something else.
• I bought a house. Stuart is poor, and I grew up poor, not ever, after the age of 7, lived in a house that was owned by my family (and even before 7, both of the houses that met that criteria had belonged to my grandmother, not my own family). So, owning a house is a big deal. In this, I will concede that I was lucky. My wife inherited enough for a down payment, I had a good job, and getting a morgtage fixed at 3% for 35 years, while not the best deal right now, is pretty good. However, even this bit of luck came about because I had a good enough job (see above) to get a bank to lend me money.
  
• I was able to move to the UK with my company. My wife would argue that this was extremely unlucky, but for me, I am much more positive about it. My son has learned English, I have made some very good friends, and been involved in some great projects, we have gotten to travel in Europe, and it has been good (except the money, which has not been great). But this was, again, a case of someone believing in me. I count myself lucky to have such people, but their belief was based on what I had done.

I won't put down all of the things above to having said 'yes'. But most were. Or at least most were the result of being open.
Stuart, on the other hand, called me once when I was at lunch at work, and said
"Nik, I met this girl in an Internet cafe, and she said she wanted to come back with me to my apartment."
"Stu, you stud, that's great. It's been awhile, hasn't it?"
"I told her no."
"Why, was she ugly?"
"No. I just didn't feel right."
"Ok...so...she is basically telling you that she wants to have sex with you, and the problem is..."
"I just don't want to make a mistake."
"Like what? A mistake is saying no to something so generously offered!"
No doubt, Stuart is a doofus. And no doubt to him I seem really lucky. But I actually really agree with the premise of this film that saying 'yes' to what life has to offer creates this kind of luck.